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From: vctr113062@aol.com (Vctr113062)
Newsgroups: rec.games.video.arcade
Subject: Re: The things we learn from vidgames
Date: 13 Oct 1995 09:16:18 -0400
Organization: America Online, Inc. (1-800-827-6364)
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mccabet@is.dal.ca (Tim McCabe) writes:
>Once again, here is the list of what we learn from
>Video Games. feel free to add to the list.
>
>45 things I learned from video games:
>
>1. There is no problem that cannot be overcome by violence.
>2. You can overcome most adversaries simply by having enough quarters.
>3. If it moves, KILL IT!
>4. Piloting any vehicle is simple and requires no training.
>5. A. One lone "good guy" can defeat an indeterminate number of "bad
guys."
>   B. "Bad guys" move in predictable patterns.
>   C. Except for "bosses," most "bad guys" can be dispatched with one
hit.
>   D. You often fare better against a large mob of "bad guys" then 
>      against a "boss" in one on one combat.
>6. "Bosses" always hire henchmen weaker then they are to do their 'muscle

>   work'. 
>7. If you see food lying on the ground, eat it. 
>8. A. You can smash things and get away with it.
>   B. Smashing things doesn't hurt.
>   C. Many nice things are hidden inside other things.
>9. Cybernetics are our friends.
>10. When driving, you can knock other vehicles off the road and get away 
>    with it.
>11. If someone dies, they disappear.
>12. Money is frequently found lying on the streets.
>13. All shopkeepers carry high-tech weaponry.
>14. If you get mad enough, you can fight even better than normal.
>15. If it's on the ground, you should get it.
>16. Repulsive, ugly, cannabalistic, evil beings have just as much
>    right to be loved as heroic fighters.
>17. The operation of a weapon is a simple and obvious procedure.
>18. You never run out of ammunition, just grenades.
>19. No matter how long you fight, you can always fight again.
>20. Death is reversible (but only for you!).
>21. Ninjas are common, and fight in public frequently.
>22. Whenever huge fat evil men are about to die, they begin flashing
>    red or yellow.
>23. When you are born, you drop out of the sky  (a stork?) and are
>    completely invincible for a short time.
>24. Although the enemy always has more aircraft than you, they fly in
>    elaborate patterns which make it easier for you to shoot them all
>    down.
>25. All martial (marital?) arts women wear revealing clothes and have
>    great bodies.
>26. All martial arts men have rippling muscles and angry expressions.
>27. The enemy always leave weapons or powerups lying around for no
>    reason other than so their bitter enemy can pick them up and
>    defeat them with it.
>28. Shoot everything.  If it blows up or dies, it was evil.  If it
>    doesn't, try and pick it up--- it was probably a powerup or bonus.
>29. Carpe diem!  You only live three times!
>30. The most powerful fighters always wait until you have acheived a 
>    near-impossible, flawless win record and/or killed a certain
>    number of opponents before they appear in your presence and beat
>    the crap out of you.
>31. You sustain injury if you shoot innocents.
>32. 200 - 1 odds against you is NOT a problem.
>33. gang members frequently all look the same, and often have the
>    same names.
>34. When racing vehicles, do not worry if your vehicle crashes and 
>    explodes. A new vehicle will appear in its place.
>
>Heh.  Try naming all the games that each one applies to.
>
>35. A. Even if it looks as if your opponent has just slashed you in
>       half, you can't die unless your energy bar runs out.

Dark Stalkers

>    B. The only exception is if your head is cut off. (There can be
>       only one!!)

Time Killers

>36. Bosses who have 'a change of heart' invariably are less powerful
>    when they switch sides and fight with you.

TSSF2, Killer Instinct

>37. If you drive faster than 200 mph and hit something....don't
>    worry! After flipping over a few times your car straightens 
>    itself out and keeps going. (See number 34)
>38. reloading a weapon is an easy procedure; simply fire the gun away 
>    from your line of sight.
>39. Quality is constant everywhere; if something is more expensive,
>    it MUST be better and more useful.

Just about every RPG ever made.

>40. There is a limitless supply of puke, intestines,
>    blood, and femurs that can be released from a fighters body.

MK3

>41. A. Rencarnation is acheived by picking up a magic talisman
>       known as a '1-up'
>    B. '1-ups' are commonly found littering the streets.
>    C. Only good guys can pick up '1-ups'. Bad guys must 
>       fend for themselves.                  

Super Mario Bros. games

>42. You can walk into the homes of total strangers and rummage
>    around in their dressers. If you find anything nice, you can
>    keep it. You don't even have to talk to the people that live there.

Deja Vu

>43. Consumers will flock to enjoy unfinished products, but will neglect 
>    finished ones.
>44. If buildings are exploded, multiple powerups can be found inside. 
>(Apologies to Oklahoma City.)
>45. Women always need periodic rescuing, unless they possess the 
>    aforementioned martial arts powers or high-tech weapons purchased
>    from the local shopkeeper.
>
46. Keeping your balance while walking or fighting on top of fast-moving
vehicles is not hard at all.
47. You don't have to worry about falling off high, narrow bridges until
your enemy has thoroughly pulverized you. 
48. 100-pound fighters have no problem picking up & hurling 400-pound
fighters across the room.

Victar

Raptor Red and her sister leave their marks on tree trunks: they place a
dung-sign at the base, then reach as high as they can and scratch long
wounds in the bark with their foreclaws. Any other raptor can read this
message: "We're Utahraptor sisters and we're _this_ tall, so keep away!"
      -Robert T. Baker, _Raptor Red_