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Jae:
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Well, it's another week, and here we are again to rant, rave, and generally
amuse ourselves at your expense.
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Bart:
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So today, we're going to talk about stuff in anime that we don't like.
Also, I'd like to introduce today's guest: Rei Ayanami.
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Rei:
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...
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Jae:
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*groans* Not again... Bart, can we afford these "guests" of yours?
We don't have much of a budget, remember?
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Bart:
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Don't worry. We're paying her by the word.
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Rei:
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...
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Jae:
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*sighs* Anyway, as Bart said, this week we're here to talk about
general or specific anime themes that annoy us. And as usual, we spent a
whole fifteen seconds beforehand brainstorming to come up with ideas. So
Bart, what've you got?
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Bart:
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Well, I thought I'd open by ranting about Magical Girls.
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Jae:
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What's wrong with them? I thought that AMG was your favorite series.
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Bart:
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No no no. Not that kind of Magical Girl. I'm talking about Sailor
Moon, Wedding Peach, Pretty Sammy, and the like.
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Jae:
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Oh, those. So what about them?
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Bart:
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The excessive kawaii-ness does bad things to my stomach. Don't you agree,
Rei?
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Rei:
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...
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Jae:
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I don't know, the cuteness thing usually doesn't bug me. Then again,
there's a question that's been bugging me for a while that applies to most
of those characters, namely: What the hell is up with the anime obsession
with clumsy, half-witted girls?!?!?! Sorry, just had to let that off of
my chest.
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Bart:
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Hmmm... Like in Fushigi Yuugi and Escaflowne?
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Jae:
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Girls like: C-ko, Miki, Miaka, Hitomi, Fam, Miyuki-chan, Nina Purpleton,
Sailor Moon... I mean, the first few times I saw this character mold, I
didn't really mind and everything was peachy, but after the tenth one... it
gets a little tiring. And not only that, what's truly annoying is that most
of the characters around them simply adore them.
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Bart:
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Oh man. C-ko. Ugh. That little twerp is obnoxious beyond all imagining.
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Jae:
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Whoa yeah. I don't know why everyone's after her. She never helps, always
gets into trouble, and man, does she cry a lot.
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Bart:
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...and A-ko and B-ko are always fighting to be friends with her. You'd
think they'd fight to get rid of her or something.
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Jae:
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Now don't get me wrong, I don't hate these characters or anything, it's just
that I find intelligent, self-reliant, and helpful characters like Kaoru a
lot more interesting and personable than Serena.
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Bart:
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Also, sometimes I have trouble deciding whether or not I like cabbits.
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Jae:
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What's there not to like about cabbage-rabbits?
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Bart:
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I thought it was a cat-rabbit. But anyway, it goes back to that whole
disgustingly cute thing I mentioned.
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Jae:
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Same deal either way. Cabbits should be cannibalistic either way... But on
not liking them, I dunno. I really don't have a problem with cute
characters -- they've got their own type of charm. I just can't see how
C-ko could be considered cute in any sense of the word.
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Bart:
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Well, she does have large eyes.
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Jae:
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So does Darth Vader.
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Bart:
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...and, scientifically speaking, eyes that are large in relation to a face
evoke an instinctual sympathetic response.
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Jae:
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Somehow, I can't muster much sympathy for either of them. Anyway, I think
we're starting to repeat ourselves, don't you? Are there any other standard
themes in anime that you find particularly annoying?
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Bart:
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I dunno. My mind is too overrun with disgusting cuteness to come up with
anything else. You got any?
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Jae:
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Yeah, I've got one: the complete incompetence with which the American
military's often portrayed. Okay, so military intelligence is often a
contradiction in words, but... I'm sorry, no one can hack into the
Pentagon in under an hour regardless of their intelligence or what computer
they're using...
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Bart:
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For example?
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Jae:
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City Hunter... Well, that's the only show that I can remember it
happening in... but that kinda stuff does happen in anime... honest...
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Bart:
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If I remember correctly, one of the Laws of Anime states that Americans are
dumb. ...and if you knew the people I do, you'd understand why I'm not in
much of a position to disagree.
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Jae:
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True, and I'm in an even better position to agree, not being one.
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Bart:
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But still, they tend to go a bit overboard on occasion.
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Jae:
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Amen. Another thing that can be annoying in anime is... Damn, I think I've
run out of annoying themes...
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Bart:
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Hey, for fifteen minutes of brainstorming, I think we did alright.
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Rei:
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...
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Bart:
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No thanks to our guest columnist.
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Jae:
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We were supposed to brainstorm for fifteen minutes? Not
seconds? So that's what my problem was...
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The Trouble with Kawaii