Step One: Get a tank and name it Mike.
Step Two: Visit an aquarium.
Unlike hunting and trapping most woodland creatures, patience isn't very
helpful. Elves live 3 or 4 times as long as you do, so they can wait you
out. You have to be aggressive. To learn more aggressive behavior, you
should go to an aquarium and watch starfish. These creatures are so vicious
that they have been known to hurl themselves at high velocity toward their
foes and imbed their pointy arms into the enemy. Patience versus starfish
is also unwise, as they can chop off their own limbs, regenerate, and have a
larger army the next time you face them. Take a lesson from a master
starfish hunter: stomp, and stomp fast.
Step Three: Practice tearing the clothes off of people.
A naked elf is a slow-moving elf, as they are very shy and have to cover
themselves, and take it from a guy with experience: it's tough to run while
protecting your nether-regions. I don't recommend that you use live targets
unless you get their permission first. Dolls, toys, those "life-size"
cardboard cutouts of Star Trek characters, and mannequins at Bon-Ton
are all good for practicing with. Sneak up on them and tear quickly. It's
key to be fast because if they notice, it will make your job a lot more
difficult. You also have to be gentle; you don't want to hurt them because
then they can get you arrested on assault and battery charges. You have to
be fast enough that witnesses will claim that the elf's clothing
spontaneously disintegrated. Safety scissors (easily carried in a black
hip-pack) are the tool of professional elf hunters. You can render even
complex outfits inoperative with a few choice snips if you know where to
cut. Plenty of testing on a variety of clothing is what separated the good
elf hunters from the bad.
Step Four: Catch the naked elf.
Some sort of containment device is best, as just grabbing them can lead to
cuts, bruises, and scrapes on both your body and theirs. Anything form the
classic burlap sac, to a cardboard box, to an armored truck will do. If
your container is particularly hard, you may want to pad it with pillows,
blankets, or small furry animals.
Step Five: You don't really expect me to keep this up much longer,
While watching Those Who Hunt Elves, listen for the voice talent of
Miyamura Yuko (Asuka, Marie (the android one)) playing Ritsuko; Tomizawa
Michie (Rei in Sailor Moon, C-ko, Manami from KOR --
interestingly, she trained to be in those sentai shows (like Power
Rangers), but a role in Southern Cross put her onto the seiyuu
track) playing Airi; and Seki Tomokazu (Van, Chichiri, Kamui from X,
and Diagouji Gai) playing Junpei.
If you were going to travel to another world, where they had magic
and sword-fighting, what would you like to have to help you win battles?
Well this time, they actually brought the good stuff... heh.