Tonight's main feature, Neon Genesis Evangelion: Death and Rebirth, is the beginning of the end of Hideaki Anno's 24-episode TV series (we'll forget about episodes 25 and 26 for now... because Gainax has.... but more on this later). The feature is actually separated into two movies: the first, Death, is an (incoherent) attempt to summarize the TV series (wherein each Eva episode had on average more dialogue than the entire X movie); the second, Rebirth, is actually the continuation of the plot (or lack thereof) after episode 24. For those of you not familiar with the plot up until episode 24, you probably will know even less after watching Death. So we're attempting to provide a summary that actually makes sense (no pressure, right?).

Characters:

Shinji Ikari: 14-year-old boy. He's the son of Gendo Ikari and is the pilot of Evangelion Unit 01. Also, he is the key subject in the "Instrumentality of Man" project. Very "Yossarian" (the anti-hero from Catch-22), he is introspective, quiet, pathetic, and at times, suicidally depressing.

Gendo Ikari: Shinji's father. He is a high-ranking official of Nerv and the head of the "Instrumentality of Man" project. He will stop at nothing to complete this project.

Rei Ayanami: Also 14, she was genetically created and was the original subject of the "Instrumentality of Man" project. She pilots Evangelion Unit 00. She bears a striking resemblance to Gendo's late wife, Yui Ikari.

Misato Katsuragi: The appointed guardian of Shinji, Pen Pen, and Asuka. One of the very few survivors of the Second Impact. Drives a Bitchin' car and drinks a lot of beer. One of a few upbeat characters in the series (until Rebirth). Former lover of Kaji.

Asuka Langley Sohryu: Part-German, part-Japanese, she pilots Evangelion Unit 02. Strong-willed and extroverted but emotionally disturbed (like everyone else).

Ritsuko Akagi: Nerv's resident computer expert (CS majors Commence Drooling now). Bleach blond and secretly in love with Gendo (sorry all you CS people).

Yui Ikari: Gendo's wife. The original creator of the Evangelion units. Her death changed Gendo from the semi-normal person that he was to his current obsessive state. It also motivated his will to complete the project. Her psyche has been integrated into Evangelion Unit 01.

Seele: The secret society that rules Nerv. Has a hidden agenda to everyone (we don't know what it is, but we think that it has something about rapiers and iron lungs [Huh!? -Ed.]).

Penē (Pen Pen): Misato's pet penguin. Likes to take hot baths. Likes to drink beer. Likes to ride around in Misato's Bitchin' car. The coolest penguin in anime (for that matter, the only penguin that we know of in anime).

Ryouji Kaji: Misato's former lover and former guardian of Asuka. He was a former operative of Seele. His death at the hands of Seele assassins motivates Misato's protection of Shinji [although it has not been concretely established that it was Seele assassins who killed Kaji].

Touji Suzuhara: One of Shinji's schoolmates. Pilot of Evangelion Unit 03. He was severely injured when Unit 03 was destroyed when an Angel invaded it.

Magi: Nerv's supercomputer. It controls almost all functions in Central Dogma. Consists of three units, Melchior, Balthasar, and Casper, each working in tandem to process data on the current situation.

Kaoru Nagisa: 17th (and last) Angel encountered by Nerv. Befriended and killed by Shinji in episode 24.

Terms:

"Instrumentality of Man" Project: Gendo's personal project to try to push the human race to the next step in evolution.

Nerv: Organization that currently runs the Eva project. Created and controlled by Seele in response to events prophesied in the Dead Sea Scrolls.

Angels: 17 evil beings that are attempting to cause the Third Impact.

Evangelion: Mecha that can only be piloted by certain 14-year-old kids who were born a certain time after the Second Impact. They are the only things that can defeat the Angels.

Unit 01: Specifically designed to be piloted by Shinji. Is endowed with Yui Ikari's psyche. There is another unknown entity merged with Unit 01 that causes it to freak out every once in a while [There is!?].

Geofront: The protected area underneath Tokyo-3. During emergencies, Tokyo-3 is retracted into the Geofront.

AT Field: Absolute Terror Field. A mystical shield generated by Angels and Eva units.

Central Dogma: The main control center of Nerv.

Terminal Dogma: The area below Central Dogma where Lilith is kept.

Lilith: The second Angel. Was the sheath for the Spear of Longinus. She is mistaken for Adam by most of the characters.

Second Impact: In the year 2000, a cataclysmic event occurred in Antarctica that changed the face of the earth. It was actually an Angel attack that was covered up by Seele as a meteor strike. (We think that the Angel was Lilith.)

Adam: The first Angel. If any other Angels come in contact with Adam, it will supposedly cause the Third Impact.

Third Impact: A prophesied cataclysmic event that will supposedly bring about the end of humanity.

Spear of Longinus: (actually looks more like a cocktail fork) Was used to defeat Lilith. Currently in orbit after being used by Rei to defeat an Angel.

Dead Sea Scrolls: Everything that occurs in the series is supposedly foretold in these pages.

Synchro Rate: A measurement of how well a pilot interfaces with an Eva unit.

Entry Plug: The cylindrical, removable cockpit of the Evangelion units.

Dummy Plug: A program modeled after Rei used to automatically pilot Evangelion units.

Misato's Bitchin' Car: ...Bitchin'... It's fun to say Bitchin'... Bitchin'.

(Attempt at) Plot Summary: (Note: We will (try to) present this in chronological order. Death does not. Instead, it breaks events up in relation to characters.)

The series begins with Shinji being picked up, during an Angel attack, by Misato (in her Bitchin' car) and brought to Nerv Headquarters. Gendo summoned him to pilot Evangelion Unit 01 in defense of Angel attacks. He refuses to pilot until he sees the battered condition of the other pilot, Rei. In his piloting debut, the Angel easily defeats him. Something within the heavily damaged Unit 01 awakens and handily defeats the Angel. Shinji awakes in a hospital bed with no memory of the event.

Shinji has problems adjusting to his new life. He is unaccustomed to living with Misato and has problems making friends. Only after he saves two classmates, Touji and Kensuke, by defeating another Angel does he make friends.

When the fifth Angel attacks, Rei is assigned to protect Shinji as he snipes the Angel with a BFG charged with all the power Tokyo-3 is capable of producing. Afterwards, Shinji rescues Rei from the melted remains of Evangelion Unit 00. (Tenchi: For all the die-hard Rei fans, she smiles for the first time when she smiles at Shinji... kawaii!!)

Not long after, Evangelion Unit 02 and its pilot, Asuka, is being transported to Tokyo-3. Shinji, Misato (sans Bitchin' car), and company fly out to meet them and to have Asuka's custody transferred to Misato from her current guardian, Kaji. En route, an Angel attacks them. Asuka and Shinji defeat the Angel in Unit 02 by shoving a few battleships down its throat.

Our team of three Eva pilots proceeds to fight more Angels in every shape, form, and combination imaginable. Asuka develops a fondness for Shinji and a hatred for Rei. Shinji continues to encounter problems reconciling his duty to pilot the Evangelion unit. Misato and Kaji start rekindling their relationship. Touji is conscripted as the fourth Evangelion pilot.

During Touji's first test run in Evangelion Unit 03, it is taken over by an Angel. Shinji is sent in Evangelion Unit 01 to defeat the Angel, but he refuses to fight another Evangelion unit (he doesn't know that his good friend Touji is the unfortunate pilot). Gendo cuts off Shinji's control and initiates the dummy plug program to defeat the Angel. The Angel is neutralized when Unit 01 removes Unit 03's entry plug and crushes it. Shinji is devastated when he finds out that Touji is the pilot and threatens to attack Nerv. Gendo orders the control room to overload the entry plug to knock out Shinji. Shinji then resigns from Nerv.

During the next Angel attack, Shinji watches Unit 02 getting dismembered and Rei's attempted kamikaze attack. He is driven to implore his father for re-admission. He is just in time to save Central Dogma from the rampaging Angel. Halfway through the battle, Unit 01 runs out of power. After getting a serious beatdown from the Angel, Unit 01 mysteriously reactivates and neutralizes and devours the Angel (Tenchi: Tastes like... chicken?). In doing so, Unit 01 also absorbs Shinji. After many lines (a little over half an episode) of techno-babble, Nerv successfully recovers Shinji.

Because Kaji was personally trying to gather information on Nerv and Seele, he was assassinated by some unknown party (we think it was Pen Pen ^_~). This devastates Misato, who is now determined to protect Shinji.

Asuka, who has yet to fully recover from the lingering effects of Unit 02's dismemberment, is mentally invaded by another Angel during a battle. She is saved by Rei, who uses the Spear of Longinus, but the psychological trauma of the invasion has reduced Asuka to an emotionally and intellectually infantile state. This renders her totally useless as an Evangelion pilot.

In another Angel attack, an Angel invades Rei. She fears that it will also invade Shinji and decides to destroy Unit 00 in order to save Shinji by killing the Angel. Rei is killed in the explosion (Tenchi: sob... Fractal Dragon: It's OK, Tenchi.). Later that day, Shinji visits Rei in the hospital to thank her. Perplexed by Rei's survival, Misato and Shinji decide to do some investigating. They find Ritsuko, who takes them to where the dummy plugs are created. They find a chamber full of soulless Rei clones. Ritsuko then proceeds to destroy all of the clones in the room to spite Gendo because he cares about the clones more than he does about her.

The fifth Evangelion pilot, Kaoru, arrives and befriends Shinji. Later, it is revealed that he is the 17th Angel. Shinji is once again placed in a position to have to kill a friend. Kaoru takes control of Unit 02 and attempts to breach Terminal Dogma. Shinji neutralizes Unit 02 and captures Kaoru. After a lot of contemplation (Tenchi: 5 minutes of viewing one frame continuously while "Hallelujah" plays in the background), Shinji crushes Kaoru.

The preceding does not even begin to give you the skin of the pudding that is Evangelion, but it will probably make more sense than watching Death (and we only had one newsletter to do it in). This summary does not include episodes 25 and 26 because Gainax would just prefer that we forget about them. The movie Rebirth picks up immediately after episode 24 (Kaoru's death), and the combination of the three movies, Death, Rebirth, and End of Evangelion, were meant to replace episodes 25 and 26 as the conclusion of the story.

Fractal Dragon: This was painful... and we didn't even cover all the interesting nuances.

Tenchi: You said it! We weren't able to touch upon any of the depth and meaning of the series. Simply put, fellow staff writer Jeremy Hughto is taking a 30-page paper to cover this stuff!

Fractal Dragon: I feel kind of inadequate now...

Tenchi: That's OK, cause it's fun to say Bitchin'.

Fractal Dragon: Bitchin'.